I watched tonight as my dad watched his oldest grandchild (my niece, Celine) graduate from high school. Sitting two chairs from him many things went through my mind. Will he be ok? Will his legs get too swollen? What happens if he gets coughing too much? Of course, he did cough and tried to control it the best he could. His legs did swell even though he tried to keep them up a little.

But the one thing I wondered was, will he be here to see his youngest grandchild (my son Jonny) graduate? I know I say I don't try and think too far in the future, but it does sneak up on me. And as I looked at Jonny (and the rest of the family sitting around us) I am again grateful that we atleast had this day together. Each day is a gift from god.

I am also very grateful for the AMY Support group. After only being a member for a few days I have already gotten an outpouring of support. I am inspired by reading about what others are going through and getting their thoughts. I am also excited about the opportunity to go to a meeting in Chicago this month. I talked to dad and he seemed open to it.

Sometimes I wonder if my dad is fully in this fight for his life like the rest of us are. I worry he is losing hope. It was good to talk to my brother tonight. As a family we are very in line with each other. So, I will go to bed tonight and say a prayer for a good day tomorrow. I also send my thoughts and prayers out to the other families fighting this disease. God bless!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

I am very grateful for this saying. I learned it in the safe rooms of AA/Alanon. Who would have thought that something I thought would be so devasting - my husband's alcoholism/drug addiction (I am proud to say his is sober today and I love him so much) - would bring me wonderful gifts. I find the slogans are helping me through this time with my dad.

One day at a time - each day I wake up and say a prayer that we have another day together. Altough he lives an hour and a half away from me, I can still talk to him. Actually, I can tell in his voice if it is good or bad day - he can't hide it any more.

Let go and let God - At first I was very mad at God for what he has done to my dad. I kept asking, why God? Why are you doing this to him and our family? I now realize I just need to turn my dad over to God and know that whatever he has planned for him is what is meant to be. This is all easier said than done, but it is a must!

First things first - I can't worry about what needs to happen months from now. I need to focus on today - keep the priorities in order. PRIORITIES - wow - that is a hard one for me. I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, employee, volunteer, etc. and I feel like I let people down if they are not my priority. What I realize is that I am my number 1 priority and if I keep myself in order, everything else is easier to work with.

I am grateful for today and will call my dad once I am done typing. Only 12 days till his next appointmnet at Mayo. I began preparing a binder with all my notes from all the appts. It is helping me keep everything in order. I also have my ongoing questions to it, so I don't forget to ask anything. I am going to ask a few hard questions this next time - God help me be strong for the answers.

Thanks for listening :)

I am new to this Blog thing, but I feel like the best way for me to stay sane through this time with my dad is to write about it. Papa Jim is the name that my kids, Jonny and Robby and my nieces, call their grandpa. My dad's real name is Jim Zahn.

First I need to tell you about my dad. The facts: he is 70 years old, has been married to my mom for a long time (don't count the few years they were divorced from each other). He has 4 brothers and they were raised by people that were not their real parents, but loved them just the same. Dad had a tough life growing up, but managed to make something of himself. I am very proud of that about him. I have an older brother, Marty. He is married to Dee and they have three girls - Celine, Amber and Rachel. My dad's passion is his cabin on the Mississippi. Since I was a little girl this is where we spent every weekend. Actually, the cabin is why I am even starting this blog.

This past memorial day weekend was the first nice one in a LONG time. And so while all their friends were enjoying boating and time with family, my dad could not. It hit me pretty hard. There was no boat in the water, no pulling his grandkids on the tube, no late night fires or fun in the sun. Instead he watched from the shore as his friends pulled his grandkids tubing and went to bed early as others stayed out and talked.

This is not the man that raised me - I am a daddy's girl. And even though I am 38 years old, I will always be. I understand the reality that we will all lose our parents some day, but watching your parent fight a disease that has no for sure answers and that people can't exactly tell you why they have it is very painful.

I realize that no one may ever read this, but the ability to put it ou there is helpful to me. I will add more later about how we got to this point.